Keeping the Spice in Your Marriage after Kids: A Practical Guide

Depending on how long you have been married, you will be used to your daily routines and life together just the two of you. Perhaps you both work full time, and enjoy evenings or weekends out together or with friends. Obviously this is something that you can still do when you have children and start a family, but initially it’s definitely something that will be pushed to the back burner for a while.

Starting a family is a big commitment and many people don’t realise just how much it will change their lives. It is definitely a decision that you will both want to be on the same page about, but once you have both decided that it’s what you want to do then it will be the best decision you’ve ever made.

Having children as many people will know can be both challenging and also very rewarding and exciting! After having the wedding of your dreams, for many people the next step is to start your own family. Bringing your new-born home from the hospital is one of the most emotional days of your life and signifies the start of your family life together, however it can take some time to adjust to as it’s a completely different experience to what you’ve been used to previously.

Make time for a date night

If your children are older and aren’t as reliant on you both quite so much, then it’s really important that you make time for you both as a couple, and organise date nights. It would be a nice idea to do this weekly if you have a family member who can help you out with babysitting or a reliable child minder that you use. This is probably the ultimate way to ensure that you keep the spice within your marriage and ensure that things don’t get boring and mundane.

If you’re stuck for what to do for your date night or perhaps your partner has been so overwhelmed with looking after the children so you’re looking for something nice to do for them, then why not surprise them with an overnight stay, or even just a romantic meal out. This is a great way to show them that you care and will be lovely for you both to enjoy an overnight stay away from the children where you are able to reconnect as a couple and get in some well needed sleep!!

If you have a whole day available to you both then you could make the most of it by going on a day trip somewhere, perhaps visiting a new place that you’ve both wanted to see. It’s important to still do things that you both want to do, and visit places together like you did before you had children. If you like adventures you could do something extreme like rock climbing or hiking somewhere.

A romantic meal out for the evening is also a lovely way to re-connect with your partner and is perfect if you’ve only got a few hours available to you both one evening. Use the time to dress up and make you feel lovely and relaxed. You could visit somewhere new that you’ve been wanting to try, and maybe go for a few cocktails or drinks after too.

If you can’t get out of the house or have a babysitter, don’t worry, after the children have gone to bed, why not cook a meal for your partner and you could even decorate the dining room with a romantic ambience. If you don’t have too much time, it doesn’t need to be a three course meal, just something easy and tasty is okay. The most important thing is that you are both spending time together.

Enjoy some me-time

Although it might seem difficult to do, especially with a younger child, but try to enjoy some me-time when you can. This might even be an hour that you can grab while your child has gone to bed, or while they are napping in the day. Use the time to have a nice bath, or put on a face mask with a cup of tea, or watch an episode of your favourite series. By looking after yourself, you will ensure that you keep your spirits up and don’t get overwhelmed with looking after a young child which will keep you in a better mind space when having time with your partner. You could take it in turns to have a lie-in on a Saturday morning so each of you gets time to recharge your batteries and it’s also a great opportunity for the parent getting up to spend some quality time with the children.

Commit to intimacy

Although it may be difficult depending on the ages of your children, it’s important for you both as a couple to try to commit to being intimate with each other in order to keep the spice in your marriage. Just simple things like touching hands, or kissing each other before one of you goes out to work for the day, or cuddling on the sofa in the evening whilst watching a film is a good way to keep the intimacy within a relationship. You could also agree to keep all devices off for the evening too, so no phones or work emails to distract you both, ensuring that your attention is completely on you and your partner.

Photo by Kristina Litvjak on Unsplash

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