For anyone who doesn’t already know me and my blog, I am the proud mummy to two gorgeous boys. They are healthy and happy and perfect, in my eyes, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
So why is it then that I am often asked “so will you be trying for another baby then?”
Uhmmmmmm no! which usually leads to
“Oh so you don’t want to try for a girl then?”
Again, in a word NO!
Honestly, what is this obsession with people thinking that because you have two children of the same sex, they think you are missing out on not having a child of a different gender. If I had one of each sex I suppose I might still get asked if we would be having another child, but I don’t think it would then lead on to what sex we would be trying to obtain!
Try for a girl? Why would I feel the need to do this? Aren’t two children enough? Isn’t two boys considered as being sufficient? Clearly not in some peoples minds. I know from speaking with other Mums on twitter, who have two sons or two daughters that I am not alone in having been asked about trying for another child of a different gender. They also feel that their lives would not be made any better by adding to it just in case they ended up having a baby of the opposite sex.
Do (some) people really think that having a child of each sex is what I dream of, possibly aspire to having and something that would make my family complete and even more perfect?
I will be honest with you, when I first discovered I was pregnant for the first time I told people that I hoped it would be a girl. Sounds bad doesn’t it? (sorry Burton!) It’s just that I suppose I always imagined buying little dresses and red coats and shoes (I prefer red to pink!) and having a dark haired brown eyed daughter. And yes, I did always want a daughter and a son ideally – Scarlett and Joshua were the names I picked out when I was in my early teens when I used to imagine what my future family might consist of. I suppose I did assume that by having a child of each sex you get the best of both worlds. Plus I have a brother myself and so maybe you strive for what you grew up with? Or maybe I just envisaged that having one of each was the “perfect” 2.4 children scenario to have.
Above all though, I just longed for a healthy baby and despite my initial ‘I hope I have a daughter’ thoughts, I was sensible enough to realise that in reality the sex of a baby is not important to me but that it has no complications is.
My boyfriend (the father of my two boys) is one of three brothers so we both always thought that we would produce just boys whenever we discussed babies before we started trying for them. As it turns out we were right and actually I am very pleased about that – my boys are great and I really wouldn’t want anything more or different now.
We didn’t find out the sex of either of our unborn babies, but I knew they were both boys – just had that ‘feeling’ I guess. Almost everyone who saw me with either of my bumps would say the same – I was all out at the front. With Burton I even had dreams where I had a baby boy! The moment I held my newborn baby for the first time, discovering its true sex was actually furthest from my mind in the end, I was just so elated to be a mummy at last, and to have given birth to a health baby. And that my labour was finally over! The fact that he was a boy didn’t really come in to it – it was a baby, my baby and he was healthy; beautiful and had all his fingers, toes, limbs etc…That was all I really cared about when it came down to it; what I was relieved to know and what I considered to be most important.
While pregnant for the second time, the sex of that baby inevitably became a topic up for discussion during the 9 months I carried it. To me I knew again it would be another boy – not only because it was a very similar pregnancy and I was all out at the front again – but also because I kind of sensed it again. I was pleased at the thought of another boy in a way because having had Burton I knew what having one was like and I know I had nothing to compare him against, but I figured two boys would grow up close and best friends aswell hopefully. I think I thought it would be nice to have a daughter for me – another female who would enjoy shopping and doing girly things with me. And to even things out at home!!
Since having Jenson (only 7 months ago, I hasten to add!) I have been asked several times if we plan on having any more children, and the question is always followed with “so you wouldn’t try for a girl then”? Actually no we wouldn’t, thanks very much. I only ever wanted two children and that is what I have got. I consider myself to be very lucky and thankful to be a Mummy let alone one to two wonderful children, indeed a couple of sons.
Why would a girl make my family complete, perfect even?
The answer is, it wouldn’t.
Besides, I have only just lost my baby weight and I am able to wear nice (non maternity clothes again, bar my nursing bra!). I honestly don’t intend getting pregnant ever again!
Really, I don’t!
No, I am not just saying that, we don’t intend having any more children.
And besides, even if we did try again it would probably be another boy anyway 🙂
DAY 21
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Thank you xx
Thank you xx
I have two girls, and when I was pregnant with my third almost everyone said “I bet you hope this one’s a boy” and “fingers crossed for you that this one’s a boy” when I didn’t care either way. Like you say, all most parents care about is having a healthy baby. Although, I did have the odd comment of ‘ I bet you hope it’s not ginger’ as my other half has red hair. CHEEK!! Again, this didn’t bother me one bit! Anyway, we did have a boy – and now people tell me that there’s no need for me to have any more children! There’s that decision made then.
It’s annoying isn’t it, I’m asked all the time if I’m having another which isn’t too bad as I only have one but would drive me nuts if I already had two, and to ask if you want another to try for a girl is just rude – what would be wrong with having 2 boys!
I have three boys and when the youngest was newborn the amount of people who said ‘bet you are disapointed it’s not a girl’ was huge and then people would ask me if I was planning #4 to try for a girl… we always talked about having four children but we wouldn’t be having #4 just to try for a girl (and in fact I’ve started telling people that if #4 is a girl then I’d have a fifth just to prove a point!)
We get the same. I love our boys and we’re contemplating a 3rd and although it would be nice to have a girl, this isn’t the reason for having another and I’m not really sure what it would be like. I love having 2 boys and I completely forgot we didn’t know the sex of Chubs when he was born! Also, since my blog is life, love and living with boys, I’d have to have a re-think on that one 😀
If anyone had asked me if I was disappointed to have had another boy, I think I would have screamed. I adore my boys and wouldn’t swap them for the world. I don’t fancy having to deal with teenage girls but we’ll see if I change my mind when the boys hit their teens!
A lovely an honest post. Having 2 boys myself I understand this. I however would love another, both my husband and I feel there is one missing. Yes I’d love to have a girl but I would love a boy too. My boys are such good friends I am so pleased I had boys and love them to bits. I wasn’t sure about having boys since I had never been around little boys but they are great and I wouldn’t change a thing. Time will tell. xx
People really don’t think sometimes! When we had our first, we were told we were expecting a son, but when a daughter came out so many people asked my husband if he was disappointed! He would find it so frustrating as of course he was thrilled we were both healthy and loved showing his gorgeous baby off.
Now we’re expecting #2 and have been told boy again (after triple checking) and people are telling us that’s us done then as we’ve got the ‘dream’. Well thanks, but our dream has always been 3 healthy children, not bothered about gender. I hope they won’t be too disappointed if we have another or, shock, have another girl and shatter the dream scenario. (Yes, we have lots of neutrals at the ready.)
I think your last sentence sums it up! I’ll have two boys but always wanted three children anyway so I was really happy to find out I was having another boy, but with number three… will I be so happy if it’s another boy? Three boys running around? Gosh, I don’t know! I wouldn’t try for a fourth just to get a girl though. I consider myself lucky to have had the children I have been given 🙂 Great post! And well done for losing the baby weight in 7 months, it took me two years and then I got pregnant again!! x
Oh it’s so annoying, isn’t it? And rude! Luckily, no one who knows us has dared to say anything so ridiculous to us – they probably learnt their lesson when they asked when we were planning to have children and I told them its be when Mr Issa got bored of my perfect-looking fanjo..!
I’m so proud to be mum to my two boys, but I can’t imagine feeling any different if I had girls or a mix instead. We mums are all so lucky 😀
It annoys me beyond belief, how very rude of them. I’ve got my son and he’s marvellous. I *would* like to have another, but am apprehensive. Yes, before having children one of each would be nice, now I think two the same would be better because it means they are more inclined to play with each other. But in all honesty? I’d be grateful for another child regardless of their sex.
I’m currently getting ‘are you having another one?’ questions which I think is bloody rude. None of their business whether I am or not!
When I found out I was pregnant, I (like you) secretly wished for a girl. When I found out I was having a boy, I wasn’t disappointed. It’s more about having a healthy and happy baby. When I think of having another baby (at some point) and about what gender we may have, I have no preference at all. – which surprises me a little. I have people asking me all the time about when we’re going to have another – and to be honest, I find it quite rude – especially since they don’t know about our own personal circumstances!
i think you are right, it is no ones business but your own whether it be the first , second or third child, and so on, you are having – it is a private decision between you and your partner. thanks for commenting xx
it is impertinent of people to ask and it goes for you and your situation too. it doesn’t matter how many children you have or what sex they are – its no one’s decision but yours!!
thank you for commenting x
i think that 3 boys running around would be just as manic as having say 3 girls arguing over clothes and make up or 3 siblings of mixed genders fighting over toys! i think we get used to dealing with whatever we are dealt in life.
Mind you, i look forward to seeing if you will still want another after you experience what having two is like! 😉 heehee xxthank you for commenting xx
yes i think a girl or a boy is a blessing and like you i wasn’t sure what having boys would be like having no experience of these things !! but i am so pleased now. i hope you have another soon lovely. thank you for commenting x
ha ha i love you style! people shouldn’t say it though – such a cliche and a common one at that x
yes Emma it is – it appears it is the same for parents of any number of children though, unless you have 1 of each! strange x
ruddy hell hair colour comments are totally out of line!! honestly some people are just tactless x