Let’s Talk About Sex

The other night just as I was drifting off to sleep, my OH happened to say to me something along the lines of “don’t forget if you want to make a move on me, feel free” to which I laughed and went to sleep.

However, there it is – it has been put out there by him he obviously thinks we should be getting our sex life back on track, to the point where he started showing me Penomet reviews to hint! Thing is, it is the last thing I feel like doing. I mean, I am tired, still carrying extra weight, quite often fail to shave my hairy areas due to a) lack of time and b) can’t always be arsed! Also I am breast feeding, so the thought of getting jiggy with boobs full of milk is not appealing and besides which it often takes me ages to get Jenson to sleep now at bedtime (he is using my nipples as a soother due to teething) and to then go from feeding mode to sex mode is just not something I can contemplate! And Jenson sleeps right next to our bed – I don’t think I would relax and get into the ‘zone’ hear him breathing next to his girrating parents!!

Besides which, it’s been 12 months, and 13 days exactly since we last had sex (when Jenson was conceived) so things are bound to be a little ‘resilient’ down below, if you get my meaning! Having had stitches again after Jenson was born there is always that initial anxiety of how things will go anyway! Obviously, I know from having had Burton that I do heal, and sex can be resumed. But I remember when we did it for the first time after having him (about 6 months I think!) it took a few goes to get me relaxed, and to actually enjoy sex and not brace myself each time!! I found it hard to relax enough not just from possible ‘entry’ fears, but because I could hear Burton on the baby monitor and always worried he might wake up once we got going! I was surprised when I fell pregnant so quickly with Jenson, if I am honest, as we were only doing it about once a month which is why I suggested we started trying, as I thought it would take ages. Funnily, enough it took one attempt!

It just takes away any romance doesn’t it, having babies in the house?
Or maybe just in my house then?
Or maybe it’s just me?

I honestly don’t know how people get back in the sack so quickly after having a baby. When I discover women getting pregnant accidentally so soon after just having one, I am gobsmacked! When the midwife and doctor had the contraception talk with me after each birth, I just smiled and told them that a baby is the best form of birth control in my house!

So I don’t know how long my lack of ‘making a move’ will last before the topic is brought up again.

Honestly though, I really don’t feel like taking him up on his offer (and what a romantic one it was, hey ladies?) for the foreseeable future, and I don’t really know when I will feel differently. Possibly once I have stopped breast feeding? Once we can move Jenson into Burton’s room? Hard to say really. The OH and I don’t even kiss or cuddle really, so maybe that is where we should start? (hint hint if you are reading this OH)

Until then I will just resume my mummy duties and try to get some sleep and keep my hands to myself!!

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15 comments / Add your comment below

  1. Funny, you have written that post. We’ve just been discussing this topic in my baby group and I can clearly say that at the moment all I want to do in the bedroom is sleep. Also, I feel exactly like you. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it with Amy right next to me… xxx

  2. Well done Jen on being so honest, it is a very difficult topic to discuss and so honestly.  It is an awkward situation for most Mum’s post-delivery and is usually far at the back of their minds.  I like your suggestion of putting a bit of fun back in the relationship before jumping on each other, give each other some time and attention, it doesnt need to be full blown sexual intercourse, just a bit of intimacy between you again.  I’m not aware of any studies that demonstrate that babies are mentally scared by their parents having sex whilst they are in the room, but understand why it would be strange to do so.  Why not try a bit of flirting and getting to feel comfortable with each others bodies again first, then see what happens! 😉  Good luck, love, Kxxx

  3. Thanks for yor comment my gorgeous friend. Looking forward to seeing you soon xx

  4. Maybe dating would be fun and a step towards romance and intimacy. I worried alot about resilience and, because of a c section, the umm, damage it could do possibly! You are sooo right though, when you’re kmackered from night feeds and got a new baby you just want to sleep!

  5. Super to read such honesty. I’ve got the same things going through my head – it’s made me feel so much better. I’m not a frigid freak after all!!! (Thank god for patient partners. Hey, it will be worth the wait!)

  6. Bless you sweetie. We’ve all been there! I have said that when Ella was removed from my womb, a switch was flipped and I went into Mummy mode…I have forgotten the sexual side of me that really used to love sex. I never thought it was possible. But it is!
    I think you and hubby need to reconnect in other ways so you can feel less like MUMMY and more like Jenny. You’ll get there but you’ve got to feel ready totally yourself instead of forcing it to happen.
    And a big old hug to you too… xx
    Karin

  7. Great post and no doubt rings true with most people! Quite simply men are made of different stuff than us and sex isn’t the same for us as it is for them, put a baby (or 2) in the equation and it changes even more. I reckon you need to add a little bit of romance, maybe a date night (if you can) and start that way. I too don’t know how people are back at it a couple of weeks after birth, eeeek! xx

  8. Thank you for takingthe time to comment. I think it’s a fairly common issue if everyone was totally honest xx

  9. Thanks for taking themtime to comment Karin. I have just read your latest linky post – romance is needed isn’t in relationships to step outside of being mummy and daddy and be me and him again. As you say, things will change I am sure but just not yet
    Thanks for the hug too xxx

  10. Brilliantly honest post – I do admire you. And I’d spell it out to him! “Right, just so’s you know, this will NOT end in sex, but can we just snuggle up and have a snog or two tonight?” Small steps . . .

  11. It’s true although he isn’t pressurising me just a comment, for now! Am sure things will all work out ok in th end – just not yet . Thanks for your comment xx

  12. Thanks and for commenting. I don’t remember the last time we snogged lol but yes little steps would be bettr. Still all .good things will come, eventually, to those who wait xx

  13. Ha ha I know it’s the subtle comments! just remember though you have a lot on your plate. You could do it once and that would tide you over for a few months, he he 🙂 xx

  14. True or at least release him in some way *ahem* 😉 as you say, that might give me a bit longer!! Xx

  15. Following on from what I said in my last post….! When I was pregnant I had a bit of a realisation. It made  me want to have sex really badly, especially towards the end by which point Dad2BabyInsomniac didn’t want to have sex because he was worried it was going to poke Iyla in the head! I can remember lying there one night wanting to have so badly and just thinking how bad it must have been for him when I kept rejecting him all the time. I was so angry and frustrated! 
    So how it works for us is that a third of the time I agree happily, a third of the I say I’m too tired and a third of the time I moan a bit before giving in. Sometimes it feel like a bit of a chore but I look at it like the hoovering – don’t always feel like doing it but once I get started I enjoy it! Oh and if you think your guy is unromantic, mine asks me if I want to ‘get my pants off!’. xx

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