As I am sure we all do, I often wonder what my boys will look like as they grow older. As older boys, teenagers and then young men. It is not that I want to wish time away as it is doing a good job of that by itself, as how we are edging near the end of April already I have no idea!!! It is just scary how quickly time has been whizzing along since I became a Mummy almost 5 years ago now. It is like I am on some kind of life rollecoaster ride which is going along at super sonic speed, and I would like to jump off and let life slow the heck down please!!
Anyway, as I was saying I do often wonder what kind of men my boys will become and asides from hoping they will be handsome and kind, healthy and happy, thoughtful and hard working I also hope that they will be there for one another and be good friends and remain close. I really hope that their relationship with one another will be strong and special, just as I hope theirs will still be with me and with their future girlfriends/wives and children.
On Saturday we took the boys to a wedding vow renewal service of some friends of my OH. Of course we made sure Burton and Jenson were dressed up smart and after the service, while the photos were being taken I managed to take one of the boys while they were sat still and while they still looked reasonably clean and tidy (by this point Jenson had already managed to scuff his shoes in the dusty gravel!).
Look how grown up they both look here!!!
Burton especially looks older than 4 here I think, and when I look at this photo today and see him dressed in his little linen shirt, waistcoat and trousers, a mini informal suit if you like, I feel like I have had a little glimpse into their future. My heart swells with motherly pride when I see how handsome and smart they look here (Yes I am very biased I know!), and I just hope they will always make me feel this way.
I have to admit that this year has given me a whole load of new and hard challenges as a Mummy, in particular with Burton but with Jenson at times too. There have been times when I have felt I let them down, aswell as feeling let down by them and their behaviour, and maybe not as proud of them as I would like to be, indeed want to be. I have also not felt especially proud of the way I have dealt with situations and that I probably could have done much better.
However, looking at them here I just love them so much and they may not be angels or perfectly behaved but they are mine and I am so glad and thankful that they are. This post does not flow well as I don’t know if I have managed to convey what I feel inside, but this photo does make me feel proud of them .I also feel proud of myself for managing to bring up two beautiful and happy boys, even if it is bloody hard going most of the time!!! I find it hard to believe that I helped create these two little human beings – I mean it is just amazing really when I stop to think about it.
It is a photo like this, taken as part of a wonderful half term which we have enjoyed and made so many happy memories during, which reminds me of why I wanted to be a mummy, and which makes me know why it is all worth it in the end.