I have been deliberating about whether or not to write this post, but as I have done so before and will no doubt do so again as time passes by, I feel that I need to in order to keep this blog as a record of my life as a mummy, and mention the lows aswell as the highs. I know that for the most I show the highs but as I ahve documented before it is hard being a Mummy and I struggle at times to do the best I can most of the time. However, I honestly do not think I have felt this way about my boys as I do right now. I mean, they are hardly angels, of course they play up , misbehave and get into trouble – they are children. However, recent events have been so out of character.
I feel so ashamed about their behaviour – to the point where I am trying hard to fight back ther tears as I write this. Not only ashamed but so very sad and let down by them. It is not easy or nice admitting to what I am about to, but here goes anyway afterall as I said before, parenting is not all roses and sunshine.
*Takes deep breath*
Some of you who have read my Project 365 from Tuesday (and thank you to those who were so lovely about it) will know that I discovered on New Years Eve that Burton had scratched the bonnet of my car by etching the first two letters of his name
I have no idea when this was done or why and the worst thing was that Burton denied he had done it for about an hour and at one point even tried to suggest that it was Jenson! (who cannot write letters yet!). Burton did admit to it eventually and has been punished as we saw fit and both his daddy and I have since spoken to him about why it was wrong and (again) that lying about this and indeed any situation is wrong and makes it much worse, and as a result he will get into more trouble etc…. you know the stuff, as felllow parents this is standard right and wrong teachings, right?
So the new year has started and after the huuuge disappointment felt following what happened, a line was drawn under it and it was time to move on with it being a new year, because that was last year kind of thing. Well, I did not think anything could top that ……. until tonight!
Let me introduce you to a bite mark made by Jenson!! Honestly, I am still in shock that he bit me and it ruddy hurt too! In fact so shocked was I and upset and a little in pain it made me cry! I am not making excuses for this behaviour because it is totally NOT acceptable but he was very tired today after keeping me up a lot in the night. However, this does not excuse what he did. I have mentioned in previous Jenson update posts, that he will hit me when he is angry with me if I say no to him sometimes, but it never hurts and although he is always made to sit on the stairs for his allocated time out. It is almost comical the way he does it, because of the face he makes and the way he flounces off to the stairs because he knows it is wrong. BUT never, never did I think he would ever bite me 🙁
It was all because he would not go to his bed and kept getting out and turning the bedroom light on and he was in a right old state, which had started at bath time 45 minutes earlier, crying and being bloody stubborn! In the end I turned off the lights, blocked the switch with my hand and told him to go to bed. And then he bit me – and then I screamed a little in pain and out of shock – then I grabbed monkey and left the room so daddy arrived on the scene and took over, while I composed myself. He has been told off and he did come over and apologise to me after about 15 minutes (stubborn boy), and wanted monkey back to which he was told no (he is having a much needed bath in the washing machine now) and then was left to cry about not having monkey until he fell asleep about 30 minutes later.
Talks about his behaviour will resume in the morning as it was late and he needed to go to sleep tonight. But he will be told and made to understand that hitting and biting is wrong and not good or acceptable behaviour by him or anyone.
Seriously though, what the hell is going on with my children? Yeah I could blame it on Christmas and how tired they might be from all the excitement but that does not excuse such shocking and surprising behaviour. I hope to goodness this is a one off for both of them. It just makes me feel so sad and deflated. This is not how I want my children to behave – it is not how I was allowed to behave as a child and I do my very best to instill right and wrong and discipline them for bad behaviour and praise for good behaviour in the boys. I honestly never thought I could feel this ashamed of their behaviour.
I would like to think that they are not alone and that a lot of children do similar things because that is comforting to know, and certainly since I publised the car photo I have had other Mums share some tales with me that both comforted and made me feel better and let me know that I am not alone. And I will be honest, some of those Mum’s I would not have guessed that they had experienced such issues having seen their blogs and photo and posts about their children with my own eyes. Therefore, proving that children can be more alike and more ‘naughty’ than we may imagine. And maybe someone will read this with horror, which is fine as I would too if it were the other way round, and think ‘my child would never do that’ and I hope that is true because I would not want how I feel right now to be shared. It feels pretty shi**y to be honest. I feel shi**y. BUT this is real life, my life and I guess sh*i happens!
So yes, I may show happy photos of me and my boys having lots of fun and I may talk about their achievements proudly, but I am sharing this now so you know that my life as a Mum is not perfect by any means and I do struggle. And I am genuienly shocked by things my boys do – these are the worse – and saddened and upset by it. I also hope that by sharing it might make another Mum/Dad feel better if it is happening to them too and they were too embarrased to tell anyone, and they can see that it does happen to other families. I sympathise.
I guess I just did not expect to feel this way so early on – parenting is so ruddy hard isn’t it?
*Big heavy sigh*
Phew, they’ve had it in for you this week, haven’t they? I guess, it can only get better. Big hugs though. That looks really sore x
they sure have Carolin they sure have! lets hope thats it for a good while now x
Oh Jenny this made me cry. Not because of what they have done, but because of how it has made you feel.
Harry bit me in September. I’d taken him to a Tumble Tots taster session the day after Charles has started school. Harry was a mess, he thought we were going to get Charles, he didn’t want to take his shoes and socks off, he didn’t want to join in the singing, he was a bit emotional mess and at one point bit me on the shoulder/neck. It hurt A LOT and I prayed that no one saw him do it. My eyes welled up and it took a lot for me to not walk out there and then but when I saw his face I could tell he was as shocked at what he had just done as I was.
I also hope it is a one off, you don’t deserve this kind of behaviour.
Sending you big giant hugs xxx
i am so sorry i made you cry Lauren! But I so appreciated your comment and it has been such a comfort and it is always good to know that we as parents are not alone and that this stuff does happen to others.
thank you so much x x
Oh jenny big hugs these little ones are sure sent to try us. My nearly 3 year old keeps trying to bite his sister, were dealing with it but it’s not nice although a lot of children go through this. I think of it as a point In which the child has lost control and no longer knows how to do deal with these emotions so they lash one way or another.
I think judging by your immediate reaction he would’ve been quite shocked too and hopefully knows that what he did wasn’t very nice.
Sounds like they’re nth having a good go at pushing the boundaries atm you’re not alone! Xxx
thank you Hannah i know other children do bite, you just hope it is never going to be your own
i hope this is it for a while now at least x x
Oh Jenny, that is a shame another little disaster, but it is not the end of the world. I blame it on the long school Xmas holidays. Our Isabelle has always been an angel, but this holiday she has been a nightmare…. Not that she would bite me, but as she is almost 7, she knows how to get to me in a different way. By the way, she but me when she we were on holiday in Cyprus, she was under 1 and did not have her afternoon nap, we were on a cruise ship, and as she was tired she just bit me in the neck. I cried a lot, it was very painful, and I was also shocked. The people sitting behind me kept on asking if I was OK… Never bit me since then. On the other hand, Olivia is a biter, she has been constantly teething, and bites herself, sometimes somebody else too… She knows it is wrong, but even after being told off she does is again, not sure if too young. Hope the rest of the holidays is good for you 😉
i know MIrka and thank you, it is just such a shock when your own children do things that you think (and hope) they never will. I think children at any age know how to ‘get’ to us dont they? Olivier is still very young, so hopefully it will stop very soon
thanks again for stopping by x x
Oh Jenny! I have no words of advice, but I totally feel your pain! Physical and mental. I think the lying would get me more than the actual deed somewhat. I leave the parenting experts or the experienced parents to give you advice, all I can offer is a hug xx
just stopping by and saying this is enough F so thank you. parenting is hard at times . thank you x x
Oh Jenny, parenting is s rollercoaster ride. Don’t assume other mummy bloggers don’t go through similar situations just because we don’t write about them. My toddler has bitten me in the past and now prefers to hit me when he’s angry and frustrated. I try to put himself in his shoes (easier said than done!) and remind myself he’s in the first stages of learning about emotions. And I also remind myself that I’m not always that great at controlling MY emotions! We’ve just started reading a book about anger (it’s in Italian but maybe you can find something similar). When the boy becomes angry a big red monster comes from his tummy and out of his mouth. It’sa great way to describe the emotion! Good luck x
it sure is Anna. It is a comfort to hear of other mums/dads experiencing similar issues to be honest, makes me feel less of a failure! I know kids try us but you always hope yours will be different don’t you?
and you are right I am not always good at controlling my emotions!
thank you so much for your comment is has helped x x
It was brave of you to write this post and I think it is right that you did; as you said yourself you set out to document being a mother and things like this happen. Everyone has their own theories as to why children do things like this but please in this case do not blame yourself. It can take time for children to learn and fully comprehend abstract concepts such as right and wrong as they can be applied in different ways in different contexts. As children age, especially in the early years, they are full of emotions, seriously, they are rushing around their bodies and they are coming to terms with how to inhibit impulses and adjust behaviour accordingly. I am a Montessori teacher and this approach is based on development of the child and Maria Montessori gives explanations for why children ‘act out’ in such ways. One could be linked to sense of order being disrupted; children need routine so they can orientate themselves and use it as a secure base. Or it could be linked to being confronted with some kind of obstacle (in their eyes) to their development ; they follow natural impulse that direct them ( an inner teacher) to activities so they can learn, develop and ultimately be independent. They then ‘deviate’ from the natural way of acting. I hope this helps in some way.
thank you and thank you so much for your thoughts and words. I think the sense of order being disrupted and routine being changed is true with Christmas and the fact that their daddy works away all week so it is normally just me and them until the weekend, but of course he has been home for 2 weeks which has changed our routine.
i appreciate your comment, thank you x
Ok the behavior wasn’t ideal, honestly though I’m not that shocked. My middle boy has been known to bite, in fact recently he bit his brother and left a mark. We were very angry and he was punished. I don’t think it makes him badly behaved, I think it means he needs to learn better ways to express his frustration and we talked about how saying ‘I’m angry’ or hitting a pillow would be better. If one if them autographed my car though, I would be fuming! Don’t worry lovely, they’re normal kids and sometimes they don’t get it right because they’re learning.
I think Jenson might have anger issues (if that is the right thing to say) for which I blame myself as I guess he has been brought up seeing me tell B off whereas when B was younger it was juyst him…maybe? He hits me and has done since he was very, very young. it never hurts but i have never taken it too seriously – in that he does get told off and has TO but maybe i have taken this too lightly?
anwyay, it is reassurign to know I am not alone and I really appreciate your comment Ella, it means a lot x x
Oh Jenny you’re up against it at the moment, but you know deep down they are good boys, and it will get so much better.
For what it’s worth, both my kids bit me, GG twice (she has more risk factor than her brother). She bit me through my leather jacket. We were in church at the time and I yelped so loud the service paused, and then she started to cry – I think she was shocked at my reaction. It was very similar with the Bug. Biting is a quite a common phase, not sure why. But I can promise you it won’t happen again, or if it does, it will be rare.
Plus, I think what you’ve done with Burton shows what good parents you are. And very rarely does that not result in good kids. Chalk it up as a bad week. GG drew on my walls on and off for over a year and I despaired and punished, but if you tell her that now, she’s horrified by the mere thought that she could ever have been such a vandal!
Hang in there xxx
thank you so much for your wise words Helen, you made me feel a lot better about it all so i really mean thank you 🙂
I know biting is common i guess you always hope that your child will never do it! To bite you through your leather jacket takes some doing!!!
It will go down as a nightmare week but hopefully that is the worst of it over now
xx
ouch that looks so sore.. i hope your feel a bit better about the whole affair after a good nights sleep. Your a brilliant mummy, and they are probably testing your buttons, soon school will start and routine will kick in and i hope it all looks up again. Have a large glass of wine when they go to bed that always helps me forget the horrendous day i had 😀
it was sore Helen but did not hurt as much as I did emotionally! they have been testing me i am sure and hopefully this ‘testing’ time is over for a good while now! thank you for being so lovely and *cheers* with my cup of tea x x
Oh my hugs .
I hope you get it sorted.
Here if you want to chat.
thank you so much – everyone has been so lovely and kind xx
Jenny, I think you are really brave to write this post because a lot of parents wouldn’t be brave enough to admit their child had done something wrong or naughty. Kids are kids. They are made to push boundaries, test your limits and patience and be stubborn as they try to exercise their independence. All you can do is guide them on their path and of course, there will be hurdles and obstacles along the way. Sending hugs and cake x
thank you Laura I really appreciate your kind words (along with everyone elses). it is always hard to know whether or not to be so open and honest on my blog, but I think it is a reminder of the good and bad times and maybe it will help another person who is having similar issues.
thanks for the hugs and esp the cake 🙂 x x
Thanks for sharing this Jenny, honestly F is no angel and I often feel he is worse behaved that others but I’m sure they all have their times – it’s just often people don’t really admit it!
We have been having some monumental meltdowns since Christmas and its left me questioning Christmas full stop as they get so spoilt don’t they. Looking forward to getting back into routine next week.
I hope they give you an easier time too and remember you are not alone!! X
thank you for leaving a comment and it sounds like you have been having similar issues at home too. I think Christmas and the chnages it brings plus all the excitment and tiredness does not help and it is not even like we can use the ” father christmas knows if you have been naughty or good” line anymore now either!
I hope F calms down soon too x x
Oh no, sorry to hear this. It sounds like you’ve had a crappy time with it all happening at once. It’s sooooo hard sometimes when they’re acting up for unknown reasons. Z went through a biting stage recently and went for his dads arm not long ago. His dad yelped out so loudly z dove and hid in the corner of the sofa and started crying. He’s not done it again since. I think he was trying to see how far he could push it. I hope next week is a lot better xx
thanks Tas it has been an interesting week to say the least! i think you just think that your children will never do the things to see others doing or that you read about, and when they do it is such a shock! I think when they see how much it hurts like that it can stop them – hopefully Z and J have learnt their lesson now x x
Bad timing on your part that these things have happened in close proximity to each other, but they are unrelated and NOT YOUR FAULT. You are an excellent mummy but you can’t control what they do and feel all the time. The chances are Burton didn’t realise that scratching the car would be a permanent thing, and it’s why he stopped at B U, he may well have lied because he didn’t want to disappoint you. But lying did just that. Jenson is coming up the testosterone surge age as well, and I can’t believe that for one minute he would even have wanted to hurt his mummy. Those boys adore you Jenny, Christmas has been a really difficult and unsettling time for them, and you know they lash out at those that they’re closest to.
yes very bad timing but maybe get it all out of the way now!!! (fingers crossed!). Thank you i try my best but it is hard and they are both strong willed and stubborn and strong in character and strenght.But they are also extremely loving and kind so hoping these blips dont hang around for long. I think Christmas does unsettle them and so many changes to our routine, plus tiredness – not easy .
thank you – really appreciate your words x
Big hugs Jenny, hope things get better for you….Its been a crazy few weeks for all kids, I know I for one am looking forward to start of nursery school again. Don’t blame yourself its not a reflection on your parenting its just kids being kids, that doesn’t make it easier but your a fab mammy and one day they’ll read this, look back and feel ashamed that they made you cry.xx
thank you lovely it is so kind of you to comment and be so nice. One day they will see why it was so wrong i know thank you x x
It’s a horrible feeling, feeling disappointed in your kids, and by proxy your parenting, but I guess that parents have been feeling this since the dawn of time. You are of course doing your absolute best as a mummy, and your boys are going through various changes and surges, all new stuff for them and you to learn how to manage. Poor you. Feeling for you. My girl has been telling fibs a lot lately, and I am so frustrated and feel like I am not getting the message across despite numerous talks. May need to be more drastic! And my boy has bitten a few times but gets really really shouted at and it is getting rarer and rarer. I suspect the vile weather has not helped kids’ behaviour this holiday, fingers crossed for brighter days ahead x
thank you for your comment. i agree about the bad weather and christmas not helping because it has mdae them tired, excited and bored of being stuck indoors as much!
we just have to keep plodidng on and hope one day it all sinks in dont we? (hugs) to you x x
The hardest thing I’ve found about parenting has to be when they deliberatly damage something. My son pulled a whole lot of paint off the wall just before Christmas and I was seconds away from cancelling Santa. I think it will get easier as 1) they’ll know its bad to break things and 2) I can cancel pocket money.
oh no the peeling the paint off the walls is just awful and just before xmas 🙁 i hope you are right but i am sure as they get older and punishments mean more it might get a little better
thank you for your comment x x
Gosh – what a fitting name your blog has right now! I couldn’t help but take a look after reading your 365 post. And I can also offer some support too. My 4 year old got hold of my great uncle’s signature stamp and used it to stamp all over the spines of my books, her first school photo and the freshly painted white wall. And then blamed her sister. Over and over and over again. Even though it was physically impossible for her to do it.
And then there’s her little sister who gets mad and leans forward and will bite down on whatever she comes into contact with – usually her sister. It’s not all the time but it happens. And she’s done it to me. It’s upsetting but I try to deal with it as best I can. Knowing that this too shall pass!
Sounds like you’ve had a tough few days of it, but do know that you’re not alone and that you have done nothing wrong as a parent. Personally, I’d rather they had the freedom to make these mistakes and learn from them than be too scared or neglected to make them in the first place! Take care xx
wise words lovely lady and thank you for popping over and adding a comment
it is all a huuuge learning curve in parenthood and i know it could be a whole lot worse so i have that to be thankful for
thank you x x
Hi, i wanted to say that i think your very brave for posting this story, its very easy to write about the happy times you have as a family but rarely would parents want to share the difficult times. Also as parents we can give ourselves such a hard time. It is difficult being a parent, no one is perfect and can every say it all runs smoothly. Those days when you realize your little angel isn’t an angel can be heartbreaking. I hope this just a phase and that you can get past it, and hope it helps for you to think that your not alone with these difficult parent moments.
Oh Jenny, sending you big hugs to cheer you up. Children really do test us sometimes and no you are definitely not alone. No child is perfect all the time, mine might look all sweet and innocent too but they can be absolutely horrible sometimes. Rosie has bitten me x2 in the past making me scream and push her off me. She even bit Daisy on the back before Christmas!!! Like you, we use time out but 2 minutes wasn’t enough for me to calm down. After the 2nd incident I had to put her to bed for a super early nap because I was so hurt & upset and couldn’t bear to look at her. Her excuse….her teeth hurt (cutting teeth & I hadn’t noticed) & I was ignoring her as talking to friends (she wasn’t even trying to talk to me).
You’re a great mum and your boys are just gorgeous, this isn’t usual behaviour and am sure it won’t last. Keep doing what you’re doing, he’s lucky to have you xxxx