It is not a nice thinking about your own mortality is it? Especially when you become a parent, because although you would not want to out live your own children, knowing that one day you will have to leave them and never see them (or their children or even their children’s children) is a sobering thought. Personally, I have always feared dying and it is a subject which I do not even like having to think about BUT I know that with two small children I have to act responsibly and make decisons about their life should anything happen to both myself and their Daddy.
I remember reading a blog post on a similar topic when Burton was a small baby and one of the things which stood out for me was that if my son lost both his parents at the same time, then he would not neccessarily be left in the care of family members like his grandparents. Apparently, unless it is stated in a legal document upon our untimely deaths, Burton could even end up being taken into care initially. This really shocked and surpised me as I always, naively, assumed that my child would be looked after by his grandparents should he become an orphan. I knew that as much as I did not want to have to think about this scenario, for the sake of my child’s future security and well being, I needed to arrange some kind instruction as to what myself and my partner wanted for him in our absence.
So one day soon after while his daddy and I were driving to a wedding, I brought the subject up. Of course my partner was a bit taken aback that I had brought the issue up but after I explained what I had read he realised that it was something that needed sorting out and fast. However, the next problem was for us to agree in whose care we would want to leave Burton in. My initial thought was my Mum and Step Dad, and I assumed that my OH would suggest his parents. However, he did not and in fact he was against either of our parents being long term guardians of our son and I have to admit once he had explained to me his reasons I agreed with him and did not try to stand my ground (makes a change!). As he pointed out, our parents are too old really to be made full time guardians and with their health problems and own mortality being that much older than us, together with two energetic boys to contend with day in and day out they would not really be able to cope. They may say differently of course, and there is no doubt they would do their upmost to raise them and care and love them as much as we do, BUT it is not really fair on either side in the long term. Therefore, we needed to choose someone else instead and various names were mentioned but we could not agree (this is not unsual!). All we did agree on was that it needed to be someone who the boys knew well, trusted and who we trusted to raise our boys similar to us, and who would ensure they grew up still knowing and seeing their family regularly.
So the subject remained closed until after the birth of Jenson, when I mentioned it again and said it was even more crucial now to sort this out once and for all, because we would not want the boys separated if they were taken into care. However, once again we were unable to agree on who we wanted to look after them! Without naming names on here, in case any of the people read this, we each argued strongly for who we felt would do the best job but without reaching an agreement the subject was ended once more.
However, a few weeks ago my partner had a health worry – nothing serious thankfully following a MRI scan but it made me re-iterate again that we had to sort out a guardian for the boys NOW. This time he agreed with my choice and we have asked that person and she has said yes, which has made me very happy and pleased that at long last we have sorted this out. Mind you now we need to get everything put in place and have it all written up and made legally binding and inform our family properly of our plan. There is a lot to think about and some very important decisiosn still need to be made to ensure the boys and our choice of guardian are looked after properly should such an awful tradegy occur. Luckily there are experts around who can help us through this and guide us , and we must get onto it quickly because the agreement has not been made legal yet. Therefore, it is going on the top of my to do list for 2014 in the new year.
Have you made provisions for your own children yet?
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Kimberly
<3 Love you guys <3