Dear Burton (the start of school letter)

Dearest Burton,

It is actually really hard writing this letter to you. I have been trying to do it all week but have failed. I have sat here this evening wondering where to start and what to write,and now I have to put something down else I will never get to bed tonight.

On Monday you will start school and another mile stone in your life will have passed. There have been so many already, all equally as amazing and precious and each one witnessed by me. I was with you each time and I helped you, encouraged and nurtured you and congratulated you (and probably photographed you too!) as you smiled your first smile or showed the white tip of your first tooth, uttered your first word, took your first step and swam for the first time. And so many more besides. I have loved being a part of all your mile stones to date and I feel privileged that I was able to be with you and see it first hand.

When you were born and I held you in my arms for the first time, I instantly fell in love with you and felt an over whelming love and protection for you and wanted more than anything to be a great mummy to you. I would just look at you, my beautiful baby boy,  and just feel so lucky to have you in my life. I would cry just watching you sleep and thinking about how perfect you were and how I could not bear to think of a time when we would be apart from one another.

I knew, of course, that one day in a few years from then, you would have to go to school and then I would have to let you go. Four years seemed a long way in the future back then and yet I also knew that it would pass by way too fast for my liking by the time you reached school age. And I was right. As your Granma has told me since the day you were born, its all a blinking of an eye.

I think I am finding it hard to accept because not only am I having to learn to let you go and let someone else help your through life now, I have to accept that I have to let you go. I am not allowed to keep you in our bubble that has been our way of life since you were born, no alarm clocks, no need to rush about in the mornings, taking our time if we want to and just do what we want to do each day.

But it’s more than that. I feel heartbroken which sounds completely irrational and stupid, but I just feel like a part of me is being taken away. I know this sounds selfish, afterall I have not lost anyone or anything really but this is the only way I can describe how I am feeling. Burton you will read this back one day and laugh at your poor old Mum and think she is very silly!

Please understand my darling boy that I want you to learn and be able to read and write and count and do all the amazing things that going to school will enable you to do. I only want the best for you, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that you are ready to be schooled, and you will do well because you are bright and willing to discover and learn. You want to learn. You ask so many questions now and you can write some words and write down the numbers from 1-10 , and your memory is astounding. You have a zest for life and I am proud of you, immensly proud in fact, and I look forward to hearing and seeing all of the wonderful things and achievements you gain from school. We met your teacher this week during our home visit and she seems really lovely and you showed some evidence that you are ready for school when she got out some laminated letters to tell Daddy and I about your homework for phonics. Without any suggestion from anyone, you dashed off to get your etcha-sketch and when you got back to the table you were disappointed to see that the 6 letters had been put away. However, you remembered and wrote down each of those 6 letters from memory – we were all impressed.

Burton I won’t lie to you, it has been hard at times being your mummy. I love you with all my heart but there have been times that you have reduced me to tears with your behaviour and you have been such hard work.  I knew that being a mummy would be tough at times, but goodness I have been caught out several times! However, I have also loved every minute (well 99%!) and you have taught me so much about myself and how to be a better mummy and person and I thank you for that. I am not a perfect Mummy I get things wrong a lot of the time but when I see you (and Jenson) and how handsome you are and how clever and loving, well I realise that I cannot be that bad either!

I am looking forward to seeing what kind of a school boy you will be and what you will excel in and what you might struggle with. I hope you make some good friends and with nice boys and not mean ones, and I hope you won’t be bullied or be a bully. I hope you will not get in with a bad crowd and I hope you will want to work hard with your schooling and want to do the best you can.  I just want the best for you Burton.

Look how far you have come! What an amazing boy you are, and you are still all mine.

Good luck for Monday. Good luck in everything you do. Just do your best, that is all I can ask and all I want.

Apologies in advance if I cry on Monday – just ignore me, I will be ok as I know you will be.

I love you.

Mummy x x x

This post was brought to you as part of Flashback Friday

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Remember – a flashback can be from any time whether it be yesterday, last week, last month, last year or yesteryear! It can be a flashback of your own, your children, your partner or your friends.