Burton had his first induction at his new school today. It was one of three hourly sessions running over the next three weeks, before he starts there in September full time. I have been dreading him having to attend ‘big school’ for a while now, which I know is silly and irrational but it just makes me feel sad. I am pleased that he has been accepted into our first choice of school for him, which we discovered back in April.
However, since that Friday when I read the letter congratulating us on Burton being accepted into their school, instead of feeling jubilant about it I have just felt sad and close to tears a lot!!
I know that he is a bright boy. His pre school key worker has told me that she has no concerns about him settling into school from an academic sense. She also went onto say that he is great at socialising now with his peers and the staff at his pre school, and compared to when he first began Ladybirds 15 months ago, when he it was hard for people to comprehend what he was speaking and therefore he found it hard to make himself understood, he joins in a lot more with the other children now and has made some friends. This makes me proud and happy of course, as well as reassuring me that he is ready to make the transition from pre school to school.
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| the new school |
However, I am finding it hard, really hard to accept that he will be a school pupil in 3 months time and will no longer be at home with me for most of his week. I know he has to go to school and I know he has to grow up, and I have to let him go and gain some independance. But I just cannot help how I feel and for the past couple of weeks I feel like I could cry over it all! Today when I dropped Burton off, and he gave me a cuddle and told me he loved me, and gave me his biggest most beautiful smile, well I could have broken down then and there.
My little boy is growing up and far too quickly for my liking. I just cannot help but wonder where the hell the last almost 4 years have gone. I know he will still be my little boy once he starts school ,and I really do want him to learn and do well there and make new friends, but it will be other outside influences shaping his life now and I won’t be his be all and end all anymore. Does this make sense? Probably not.
I cannot help but think what happened to that little baby boy I could just spend hours watching and feeling the most contentment I had ever felt. The most shattered too, but thats another story! Burton taught me what it was to feel real unconditional love, the most amazing feeling I had ever experienced. I used to love just watching him, while he lay beside me sleeping or seeing him breath and smelling him (love that newborn baby smell). I would cry just for being thankful for having such a perfect baby and was always so over whelmed with the love I felt and had for him my beautiful baby boy!! See, I am a silly emotional woman!!!
But I was the one who gave birth to him, fed him, attended to him at all hours of the day and night, lost hours of sleep over him, read him his first story, and kissed him to make him feel better and spent a long time rocking him to sleep and comforting him.
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It seems hard to believe that those photos were taken almost 4 years ago now. I am so grateful that I have been able to be a full time SAHM and see Burton grow and pass through his mile stones to date first hand. Yes of course it hasn’t all been plain sailing, and it has been a massive learning curve for me and my parenting skills and it has not been easy. I am by no means an expert Mummy or parent. I have done my best, most of the time. I probably could have done much better at handling certain situations and I could have shouted less or been a bit stricter over other things. But no one is perfect and we learn by our mistakes and experiences, don’t we?
As I prepare to send my eldest boy off into the big wide world , I am proud of the way he has been brought up, and the boy he has become. It has not been all my doing, of course, but as I have spent the most time with him it is inevitable that I have made a big impact in the way he behaves and interacts with other people – oh dear poor boy !!
Two lovely ladies passed on some wise words to me this afternoon when I was feeling a bit sad while waiting to collect Burton from his induction. I love the first quote especially.
” Don’t be sad about what he isn’t anymore. Be excited about what he will become. You are taking the journey with him”
“You don’t let them go, you just let them go to the next step. They always come home“
Stella
When I collected Burton he was happy to see me, and he had enjoyed a wonderful hour and seemed to have done a lot in such a short space of time. It is also good to discover that two boys from Ladybirds will be in his class, both of which are the only two children who have invited Burton to their birthday parties this year!. His teacher, whose name I cant recall now, seemed nice not that I had chance to say much to her as she was busy handing out name badges. I did tell Burton’s daddy that he will enjoy coming to parents evning as she is young and very pretty lol!
There is nothing I can do to make time stop and make my boy stay as he is forever and be mine completely. Growing up happens – end of. However, as we approach this new and important mile stone in his young life, I hope it passes well and without any upset on his behalf. I really hope we won’t have a repeat of when he started at pre school with weeks of him screaming for me not to leave him!! I hope it will only be me sobbing at the gates (without him seeing me of course) and screaming inside that time is passing by too bloody fast for my liking and I wish it would slow down already!!
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Thank you xx
Thank you xx
Awwww! It is such an exciting time, but filled with so much emotion. I love the photo of you reading to Burton- it says it all. From such a teeny thing to learning to read for himself. I wish you both the best in this new chapter, and hope Burton enjoys his new beginning. x
ahh, I welled up at this post, especially at the baby pics as Louka is even so much bigger than that now 🙁 I know how you feel, I did it all last year( in Greek whilst pregnant and hormonal too lol) I’m sure he will be fine, although I know that is not your point – can’t believe these boys are growing up so fast!
Oh Jenny, I suspect I will feel EXACTLY like this when it’s me in two years time. I obviously know the benefits of school, but I know I will find it weird to think he’ll be spending so much time away from me.
I’m sure Burton will do fantastically at school. Just make sure you have tissues ready on the first day. So many of our kids at school would trot in without a backward glance leaving their parents in pieces in the playground. I always felt bad for them, but now that I ‘get it’ I feel even worse for them. x
Aw Jenny, I can completely understand how you must be feeling, as you know I feel the same about preschool let alone school. Burton seems like a wonderful little person and I am sure that he will thrive and do so well at school and you will continue to be exceptionally proud of him. That first day will be hard I am sure, in fact I know, but I am sure it will get easier. This is a lovely post completely full of love. x
So scary for him to be making that next step, I completely understand how hard it must be for you. Lucas’ birthday is right at the end of August so he will be one of the youngest and we have to start looking at nurseries to put his name down in September he just seems way to young! Such a mix of emotions because you want them to do well and enjoy school but also wouldn’t it be lovely if they could stay with you? It will be a tough day when he starts but I’m sure that he will give you a lot to be proud of. I love that last picture of you both, you can certainly tell it is him! xx
aww Jenny, lovely post. I know how you are feeling & I am feeling it a lot more this time as it’s my baby that’s starting….but as I’ve said to you, Burton will love it & it will give you some more time to spend with Jenson…although I’m sure he will miss him loads too x
Awww what a lovely post. It is hard seeing your children growing up so fast especially when they reach big milestones such as starting school. Having just been there in August last year with Z, it is scary but it is also so exciting. When you see their faces lit up with excitement at the thought of starting school, it makes it a bit easier. x
Lovely, lovely post! The baby pics are too precious for words! I was in exactly the same situation as you last September and I can’t believe my Little D is coming to the end of his first year at school! After the first week you will be fine and he is going to love it. Those quotes are brilliant – completely spot on and really make you think “ok, I can do this, change is a good thing!” x
Oh Jenny, this is just a lovely post and you’re not silly at all… I cry at all sorts of things and imagine I will be exactly the same (possibly worse) when my little one gets to school age. The time really does seem to fly through with them but all we can do is enjoy every moment with them. The quotes are lovely and I must remember them myself for every milestone we hit where I feel sad that she’s growing up wayyy too fast. I love that he’s such an affectionate wee boy and told you he loves you – melts my heart 🙂 Your pictures are absolutely gorgeous and definitely ones to treasure, I love the picture of you reading to him – just beautiful! x
It is nerve racking for us when they go to the big school, but they love it. I dreaded L going as he was so shy and quiet and he’s come on leaps and bounds. It’s incredible to see what they can do in such a short time and they will always come running to you at the end of the day. Hugs xxx
YES YES it makes complete sense. I feel like I’m having palpitations already just thinking about nursery and think I only want to put him in 3 days a week because I’d miss him so much! I know Burton will love school because is just so adventurous but I think I completely know how you feel. *Hugs* – If only we had a stopwatch huh?