When I was much, much younger back in my teens and early 20’s I wanted to believe in love at first sight. I read lots of classic English novels where the heroine meets her true love and despite shaky starts and wobbles along the way and even fallings out, she always gets her man. Her one true love. I would read or watch characters fall in love on a first meeting and although I was always very sceptical of this notion, the romantic side of me always thought it would be nice to literally be swept off my feet and experience how that would feel in real life.
Books like Pride and Prejudice and Wuthering Heights together with films like Dirty Dancing and Some Kind Of Wonderful, were just a few examples of the novels and films I would watch or read over again during my teens which would give me hope of a happy ever after.
As I sailed through my life I can honestly say that love at first sight didn’t happen for me with any of my relationships. Although I have been in love (and love my OH) and have been loved back, it was not as I had played over in my head after reading a romantic novel or watching a romantic film. This was ok though, I mean you cannot expect real life to mirror fiction and fantasy can you?
However, all of this changed the moment I set eyes on my newborn baby and held him in my (shaking!) arms. Suddenly a wave of emotion hit me and from out of nowhere I was in love. Love at first sight. Unconditional. Overwhelming. All consuming. Just amazing. An actual thunderbolt moment.
I can honestly say that I had never experienced that before. Love? Yes of course I have been in love, but always with someone I have got to know first. This – this was unexpected and yet so natural and felt so right. Of course I had been told that I would love my baby and the feelings I would experience would be like no other, but until you actually experience it for yourself, you just cannot imagine it.
I remember feeling so content so happy so privileged to be Burton’s mummy, It was, and still is, an honour to be his mummy. I would happily just watch him sleeping, thinking him the most beautiful and perfect baby in the world (naturally).
Not believing I had been so lucky to have given birth to such a perfect baby.
Loving the smell that babies have and literally always having to smell his head whenever I held him close. I loved the way he would nuzzle into my neck and look up to me with his dark little eyes and the skin on his forehead all wrinkly and still a little saggy. I would nickname this his ‘moley moley’ moments because he reminded me of a little burrowing mole!!
I loved this little person more than anything or anyone. He was my master right. My one true love and I loved him as I had never loved before.
Then when I discovered I was pregnant for a second time I worried that I would not be able to love another as much. How could I possibly love this much again? I constantly would worry and feel guilty that my number one boy would feel left out when his brother or sister arrived on the scene.
Thing is when I held my second newborn baby in my arms and glanced down at him and gazed into his eyes, I knew. I knew in an instant that my worrying had been for nothing
Another thunderbolt had struck me and I was in love all over again. Another beautiful and perfect baby to admire and love completely.
More ‘moley moley’ nuzzling to allow me to smell Jenson’s hair and newborn aromas. Another chance to fall head over heals in love all over again.
I love my boys with all my heart and equally. I didnt even know my heart contained this much love and yet it does. Yes, I shout a bit too much sometimes and they can wind me up and infuriate me, but I also love them and I am immensely proud of them.
I had always dreamt of being swept off my feet by love and I really wanted to believe in love at first sight. I would never have imagined it would happen the way it did and with whom. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Thank you xx
Thank you xx
What a lovely post Jenny. I felt exactly the same feelings when I became a mummy, and when I was pregnant the second time too. It still amazes me how you just seem to find all this love for a child, it’s just something you couldn’t believe or understand until you had one. All those people who choose not to have children just do not know what they are missing out on. X
This is exactly what I worry about – How will I love another baby as much as I love Z and wonder if its possible to have that much love to give? I’m so glad you said that plus Lucy’s comment below – makes me feel a lot better. How lovely is that, that love is infinite!
(By the way,….apparently there is going to be a series made as a follow on to Pride and Prejudice where Mr Darcy and Elizabeth has two children and its about parenthood!)
Lovely post and beautiful photos. I never though I could love my babies as much as I do and also having enough love to share out but you do. x
Tears, I’m in tears. I’d blame hormones but it brought back all this first moments. Love it. x
Lovely post, I do miss those newborn baby days! And I feel exactly the same about the love, sometimes it scares me how much I love my babies x
Stunning post and so true, never realised how much my heart could love until I saw my babies!! X
This is really lovely Jenny. Beautiful words and a fab choice of photos too. xx
you will love another (and another again should you choose to) as much as you love Z and i love that you mentioned how love is infinite because for our children it really is x
the introduction to motherhood is just an amazing moment isnt it? thanks for commenting x
thank you Lauren x (and for the RT)
its amazing how big are hearts are and how endless our love for our children is x
thanks Lucy. its all amazing isnt it? in knew i would love my children but the intensity and strength really is astounding. x
awwww lovely it probably is your hormones , and its all so recent for you too. thank you for reading and commenting x
thanks Laura. i think that until you become a parent you have no idea how big your heart of your love for your children can be x
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