I can’t believe that is has been almost 3 years since I peed on a white plastic stick to find out if I was pregnant. I remember where I was when I did the test and what time pretty much!!
I knew I was pregnant before I had it confirmed because my periods were never late and cause my husband had been using vigrx plus about which you can find in-depth info on this healthy body healthy mind vigrx plus reviews, to get me pregnant by boosting his sexual drive. When I say ‘trying’ I mean that we had decided not to use any contraception and see what happened. Well, at least that was probably what my boyfriend thought. Me? Well I was very keen to do everything I could to fall pregnant because I really, really wanted to have a baby.
When I first met Jon I pretty much had the baby chat with him straight away, and made it clear that having them was very much a priority in my future – a not so distant future as I was 31 when we got together and I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t feel the same way.
I don’t mean this to sound ruthless, but if he hadn’t wanted the same things as me then as far as I was concerned there was no future for us because I didn’t want to waste several years being with someone, if they didn’t want to start a family with me at same point. I was getting older and my biological clock was ticking away!
Jon agreed at the start of our relationship that having children was something he wanted to do at some point a few years down the line, so it seemed like we were aiming for the same goals. Perfect I thought, I have found a partner who I would start a family with and who wanted the same things from the relationship that I did.
|
Me being an ‘aunty’ again in 2006 |
So a couple of years went by and my friends were having children as did Jon’s brothers, and then they started having their second child and I was wondering when Jon and I would be able to tell people we were also expecting a baby of our own. I asked him several times if the time was right at last but the was always a reason why we should wait a little longer. I used to get quite upset and envious at the women around me who were falling pregnant – I mean I was happy for them, but I had pregnancy pangs and baby envy BIG time and just wanted to get on and start trying.
It didn’t help that we were living with Jon’s parents for the first three years of our relationship while Jon did his house up (the one we live now). Of course not living in our own home was always the perfect excuse as to why we couldn’t be pregnant yet! But near the end of the renovations I started asking again that maybe we could at least start trying because it could take a while.
In the end, Jon confessed that actually he wasn’t sure now if he wanted to have children – I was gobsmacked! His reasons for this revelation were that since we had been a couple he had lived at home and seen his nieces and nephews frequently – witnessed their temper tantrums and noise etc and it had kind of out him off having children of his own! I told him that it would be different when it was our own children but he wasn’t convinced. He then said that he didn’t even particularly like babies and that they didn’t do anything for the first year of their life! And his other reason against having them was to do with the world’s increasing population, and the awful things that can happen to children and did we really want to bring ours up in such a world?!
Well I was so deflated and upset. I told him that I needed him to be straight with me and if he really did not ever want to have children , then he had to tell me so I could decide whether or not to stay with him or go and find someone who did want babies with me. I felt he had really let me down and although my ultimatum may sound a tad unfeeling and mean, I needed to know where I stood, because I knew I wanted them and I knew I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.
|
September 2008; Finding ‘Us’ Again |
This uncertainty went on for several months and I really was making myself upset thinking it was going to end our relationship because Jon is a stubborn man and he usually means what he says. I even moved out of his parents he for 6 months and only saw him at weekends as he was working away in Cornwall. I think as much as I hated living in a crappy bedsit by myself, by only meeting up at weekends we seemed to get on better and appreciated each other more.
I can’t recall exactly how it came about but after another one of my chats with him, Jon at last gave into my baby making plans. I think his words were along the lines of “well I will do it for you, because it is what you want” , because he was still not convinced. Anyway, I didn’t let this bother me too much – I mean I had been given a chance to fall pregnant and I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that happening.
So after 3 months of trying and 3 months of still getting my period (boooo!) and trying not to let it bother me, on November 16th when I got home from work I took the test and it was positive! I was so happy, but I had to keep quiet until Jon got home from work and hope his Mum didn’t suss something was up with me as I kept smiling to myself! Once I got him into our room I showed him the test and waited for the hug , kiss and smile and words of love and joy. But I didn’t get anything like that. For a brief second he kind of smiled but then went serious and didn’t really say anything. I think I had to ask him for a hug! He didn’t look very happy at all if I remember correctly. I was gutted – the day I had been looking forward to for so many years had proved to be an anti climax.
I so wish it had been different – I guess I romanticise things too much but to me he ruined my pregnancy for me from the outset. I owned my own business at the time and I was having financial troubles, and Jon has since told me that he was so angry with me at how I was handling my business problems that he couldn’t see past that. I think he thought that by getting pregnant I was going to hand my money difficulties onto him – which wasn’t something I had not and would not even contemplated. Without going int all the ins and outs, I think I cried more during my pregnancy with Burton than at any other time. It was awful and as much as I have tried to move on and not let it bother me, it still does.
|
My baby 🙂 Jan 2009 |
Throughout the whole 9 months he never showed any excitement about having a baby, he still kept saying that it wasn’t what he wanted and how he was doing it for me, and that he didn’t like babies!! Honestly, I was devastated and I seriously thought about leaving him. We didn’t get on very well at all while I was pregnant and then he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to be present at the birth!! Which is why I asked my best friend to accompany me.
Anyway, he did attend the birth and from the moment he first held Burton’s tiny finger in his hand he loved that boy and all that rubbish about babies being boring and how he didn’t like them? Utter tripe – he was besotted, thankfully, with Burton and still is.
You can probably imagine how I felt when I found I was pregnant a second time and how worried I was at having to tell Jon the news. Well, thankfully his attitude was better the second time and he seemed genuinely pleased to be having a (second) baby and it was a nicer pregnancy for me and our relationship.
I just wish that my memories of my first – the most exciting and special – pregnancy were happier.
What are your memories of finding out your were pregnant?
DAY 4
If you would like to read more about my mummy mishaps please subscribe by email or via RSS feed 🙂
Thank you xx
Related
mummydaddyme
Thats a shame that you felt like your first pregnancy has slightly sad memories, but sounds like he is a great Daddy now which is the main thing.
My memories of finding out I was pregnant are funny! We had been trying a couple of months but my periods were irregular- I was away on business but felt funny so I did a test and found out it was positive. I jumped around the room in excitement and then thought ‘oh’ cause I didn’t want to tell my husband over the phone. That was on the Sunday and I wasn’t going home until the Thursday. It was the longest few days of my life as I didn’t want to tell my mum until I had told him. Finally I got home and he was sitting on the sofa, I told him to close his eyes and I handed him the pregnancy test. He was thrilled and started crying and it was just magical! We then went out for lunch to celebrate and talk (cautiously) about the future. x
would like to be ayummy mummy
You have two gorgeous little boys and at least it all ended well. I guess sometimes the men need a little more time to get their heads around babies.
We had been trying for ages but just as I was about to go on a weeks long skiing course I began to feel pregnant. Husband said if I was I couldn’t go so I told him I probably wasn’t. As the week progressed it became more and more obvious I was…sleepy, hormonal, kept needing to wee etc and we did a test on the last day. We were ecstatic xx
Mummy Manda
Your Jon sounds just like my DH – who once asked me, when I bought up the subject of having children – ‘Can I still go out at the weekends? To which I replied, ‘of course, but I don’t think you’ll want to!’ I also pee’d on a stick at 6am, saw a line then proceeded to jump about (spraying wee everywhere) to be greeted with a ‘I need to get up and have breakfast’. I’d never felt so lonely about a moment that I too, had romanticised either.
Now my two are 1 and 3 it is all a very distant memory and my DH is a loving, patient father who dotes on his children.
xx
Michelle Lawrence
Aw that must have been so hard for you to deal with. I remember my husband being a bit freaked when I told him the first time. He’d just made some beans on toast and couldn’t eat them, and we were going out to a pub quiz, and I wished I hadn’t done the test til we got back because it was my first experience of doing the whole sober thing! However, I guess we’re both very lucky to have children with supportive Daddies now. x
Kimberly Fanson
ahhh Jen, what a beautiful heartfelt post. I know it wasnt easy for you, but you and Jon are stronger now and have the most adorable sons ever! Sometimes the way we dream/fantasise about something happening in a certain way, never really does, but for you it has paid off in the long run. I am so grateful to you that you asked me to be with you at the birth of both Burton and Jenson, I wouldnt have missed that for the world. Others ….. well I guess some of us may be the perpetual Auntie! Love, Kxxx
emsyjo
Ah bloody men! I’m so sorry you had such a tough time with your 1st preganancy, as I was reading through there were so many similarities (again!) to us, we were ‘trying’ in exactly the same way, and had had the ‘baby chat before we got married. After a year or so Aaron said he wanted to wait, and maybe he wouldn’t mind he he never had kids. I was devastated but we stopped trying for a while and then a year or so later had another chat and started again. I was always a little worried about telling him when it happened but luckily he was over the moon, I can imagine how it must have felt for you though.
Him being at the birth was a different story, still upsets me that he wishes he could turn the clock back and NOT be there! That combined with the inital reluctance and the old excuses means we’ll unlikely to ever have another though 🙁
Well done on writing such a heartfelt post. (I think this is my longest ever comment!)
Jennypaulin
thank you for commenting. its nice to know its not just me who had the type of experience then! men indeed!!! its such a shame yours is not playing ball about having a second – it would be lovely for Leo to have a little brother or sister. i hope he changes his mind.
it appears we have lots ion common doesnt it – we would get on soooo well xx
Jennypaulin
thanks my bestest friend. i am being silly i know, but you know what it was like at the time and its hard to let go completely. but i have 2 healthy and beautiful boys now so I have so much to be grateful for and new happy memories to make. being an auntie is great and my two are very lucky to count you as one, i just hope this auntie get to be a mummy one day xx love you x
Jennypaulin
i think i just imagined a scene from a romantic movie in my head and it just didn’t turn out like it in reality! as you say at lest our men are good dads now. thanks for commenting x
Jennypaulin
what are men like/??? honestly they just don’t get it especially when we are pumped full of pregnancy hormones and don’t need silly questions like that!!! its nice to meet someone else who didn’t have the full romantic finding out experience she had envisaged either. at least now the babies are free both our men are good dads – thats the mosts important thing .thanks for your comment x
Jennypaulin
i know, its about what i have now instead of the experience i didn’t have!! men can be so insensitive at time!! your experience sounds much more how i imagined it to be though – both really chuffed at finding out. yay thats a lovely story thank you for sharing it.xx
Jennypaulin
it was a shame but maybe i am being silly elly but it just easy t what i had hoped it would be ( i clearly watch too many romantic film maybe??) and yes him being a good daddy now is the most important thing.
your finding out story is lovely – and aww he cried that just so lovely swell. thank you for sharing your memories xx
Kahanka
Awww Jenny, you have made me cry on a Saturday morning ( it might be the pregnancy hormones as well…). This is so wrong, how cold he ever be like that? I am so happy he has chnaged his mind after seing your baby for the first time. It must have been very stressful during the pregnancy. I hope you are happy now 😉 Mirka @Kahanka
jessies_online
I have tears in my eyes reading this Jenny….I know exactly how you feel, this is my 1st & last pregnancy all rolled into one! My first was not a planned one & I got the silent serious treatment for while & all the ‘not the right time’ business…and after suffering 2 miscarriages whilst trying for a 3rd baby (his idea) he then said that he had changed his mind & didn’t want another….after almost a year of crying/shouting/pleading he relented & decided to give it (in his words) ‘one last shot’….and that last shot was all it took (thankfully!)
Jon is so good with the boys now, I can’t believe he was like that throughout your pregnancy. He does sound very much like Matt though x
Jennypaulin
i didn’t mean to upset you Helen, bless you. gosh you had a worse time of it then me by the sounds of it 🙁 men can be such insensitive and selfish bu**ers can’t they?? i am so sorry you suffered with 2 miscarriages . Jack was very special then to come along on your last chance saloon.
thats probably why they got on – they are the same!!! yikes xxx (hugs) and thank you
Jennypaulin
awww Mirka i am sorry for upsetting you but thank you for reading and commenting. it was horrid at the time but at least he loves our boys and is good to them. xx
TheBoyandMe
Oh Jenny, that must have been so upsetting for you, how terrible. I suspect that underlying was a hell of a lot of fear about producing a child into this world and worry about his capabilities? Glad he’s changed his attitude now, how could he not; B is so lovely.
I also had the chat with husband early on that I wasn’t in this for a fling, I didn’t see the point in wasting time on that. Lucily he agreed, and we knew after a fortnight that we were going to get married.
jessies_online
I’m easily moved these days!! (especially after wine.,…)
You have just reminded me that when I was on your blog some months ago there was a pic of Jon with Burton – on the beach I think, and Jack said ‘Daddy’ ….eeek they are the same!!
I’ve just found the pic that it was : http://mummymishaps.blogspot.com/2011/03/rock-pool-fun.html (I am a stalker!) x
Jennypaulin
i was going to mention that – but couldn’t remember if that was your hubby that looked the same – i have baaad baby brain – lol its true we have the same type of man!!! so funny that Jack thought they looked the same!! x
jessies_online
cake twins and the same husband!! did you read the comments that we posted too? all those months ago…..
Jennypaulin
it was a horrible time and i wish it had been different. BUT he is a good dad and loves his boys very much and that was what i hoped for so not all bad eh??
its wonderful that you and hubby ‘knew’ you were right for each other – thats really lovely awww xx
Jennypaulin
ha ha yes we seem to be twins on a few things – i am off to look at that post now x
emsyjo
I know, but I really don’t know if I could cope with another – I haven’t even figured out one really! He’s got some good points – we have no space for a 2nd baby and we don’t really want to move even if we could. We don’t have enough money to look after ourselves at the moment let alone another person, and I’m 34 now. So I don’t see how it could be possible, or sensible, I try not to think about it as I should be thankful I have one but sometimes I think wow. I’ve just got one life and I thought I’d have 2 kids – but that’s it I’m done 🙁
Mum2babyinsomniac
My OH was exactly the same, my pregnancy wasn’t planned and he just didn’t want kids for at least ten years if ever and my whole pregnancy was quite stressful. He just had a really hard time accepting it and I can remember when I was 8 months pregnant having a talk with him about how it just wasn’t what he wanted at that point in his life but I was just clinging onto the fact that he would feel differently when he saw Iyla for the first time and thank god he did. From the very second he saw her he changed and he is an amazing dad. He admits now that he just thought of babies as bundles that use up all your cash and poo all the time but he didn’t realise how they would have their own personalities and be little people.Luckily it turned out okay for both of us! Bloody men! xx
Susan Mann
What an honest post. I am so sorry you didn’t enjoy your first pregnancy and the joy wasn’t shared with your partner, but it worked out so well in the end. Hugs xx
Jennypaulin
sorry you had a stressful pregnancy too – it ruined it in one way for me. it could have been so much more special. like you , i just knew that once OH clapped eyes on his baby he would love it, i just wish he could have shown more willing sooner. never mind sounds like your man is a great daddy to his little girl, which is what counts in the end isn’t it xx
Jennypaulin
thank you for your comment Susan. i wish it had been different but what can you do?? all worked out for the best in the end as you say xx