Going through a divorce is never easy, especially when there are children involved, how many times have you asked yourself ‘how will this affect our kids?’.
The key to making the process as painless as possible is to work with your co parent. As much as you may dislike them, you have to put your child/children first and if that means biting your tongue and gritting your teeth, do it.
Flexibile
Be as open and flexible with each other’s schedules as possible, if your co partner wants to take your children to a concert on one of your days, allow it. Especially if you know your children will enjoy it, if you say no you could end up with your children resenting you.
If you have something planned for them on the same day, make a compromise, maybe you could do something in the morning so your co partner can have them in the evening.
Negativity
OK, we understand that sometimes you need a rant and let out all your negative feelings, but it is important you don’t do this when your children are around you.
You don’t want them to get upset with you for talking negatively about their other parent. It is important that you stay civil with your co parent, so if your child goes to them repeating your negative words, this could jeopardise any future plans you may have, for example, if you want to take them on holiday during his time with them.
Direct Communication
When it comes down to communicating with your co parent, it is important you do so directly to them, ideally, face to face. You should avoid asking your children to pass on a message, if the co parent reacts badly, your child might sense the negative feelings which could upset them and confuse them if they think their mum or dad is angry with them. As well as this, children, especially of a young age, may not be the most reliable messenger, they could get the message wrong and your co partner may get the wrong end of the stick.
Respect each other’s time
Respecting each other’s time is vital, once your children have left to go to their other parent’s house, it is best to leave them too it. Send the odd text maybe to check they’re ok but doing this too much can become frustrating for the other parent. Spend your time without catching up on household jobs and catching up on sleep ready for when they return.
Big events
When it comes to big events like a birthday or graduation, it is important to share these moments. It will mean a lot to your children for you both to be there and witness the special day.
Introducing someone new
If your co parent gets into a new relationship or starts a new family, it is important to talk to your children and ask them how they feel. If necessary, ensure they understand that they are not being replaced etc. It’s also a good idea to make sure you agree on the role of the new partner in private with your co parent.
For more advice, consult FBCMB family solicitors for the best advice and help for your situation.
